Wednesday post in five minutes or so ...

It is a beautiful morning out, I got to watch the sunrise over Pensacola Beach while the rest of my family slept.  I took a much needed day off yesterday. No work.  No bar review.  Met with friends early in the morning, went for a run with Jessica, and spent the better part of the day lounging by the pool and even spent a few minutes in the sauna.  Had a great date in the evening with Jessica, ate at Cactus Flower and dessert and coffee at Hemingway's.  Wrapped it all up with fireworks, and a gratitude list in bed as I dozed off with Gracie.  It was a day to be remembered.

Three thoughts on this Wednesday morning, as has become customary:

1.  Our hunting Weimaraner intently pointed at a ... lizard, a week or so.  This is perhaps what happens when you take who knows how many generations of hunting instinct and move it into the semi-urban environment.  I suspect it is the same with our spiritual condition.  We are intuitively hardwired to be connected to the Divine.  Yet, we will often see a poor substitute for that which we are designed to seek, point, and chase it.

2.  As I ran along the beach yesterday, my shadow was split.  Half was in the light sand.  Half on the dark asphalt.  Depending on my movements, I was either more or less in the light.  Got me thinking about the fact that I know how to stay in the light.  I'm not always willing to do what it takes.  I ask that I'd be relieved of that.

3.  I had a very interesting talk with a friend earlier this week about how little time we really spend with those close to us.  I'll spend many hours at work today, and if I am lucky - minutes with those who are closest to me.  I will make a point to intentionally spend some time with those closest to me today, doing whatever it is they'd like to do.  For my son, this may mean a light saber battle (which I must admit, is pretty darn fun).

I'll leave you with a picture of Bryton and the birthday crew from this past Saturday.  Peace be with you!

Ryan

spam, habits, and beginner's mind

Friday morning post in five minutes or less ....

1.  Turns out that being spammed can be a good thing.  I received a spam email from an old high school friend earlier this week, which prompted me to call the last phone number I had for him from eight years ago.  He is coming up on SEVENTEEN years in the Marine Corps, is a First Sergeant at MCRD and has a beautiful family.  He observed correctly, we were "clowns" in high school.  Thank God we are not obligated to be our old selves.  Then again, maybe being a clown isn't so bad.

2.  I finished The Power of Habit earlier this week.  My understanding of neuroplasticity and the ability to change, with the aide of divine inspiration is a relief.  And work.  I am tooling around with the idea of trying to read through a list of (50) spiritual classics.  As I am pretty neurotic once I tackle something, not sure I am ready for that task.  Why do I take everything so seriously? 

3.  We have committed to meeting Bob and Monika Brown in Plymouth, Massachusetts, for Thanksgiving.  I have been so excited about it that the kids are, I think, already sick of the idea! Or at least of me talking about it.

Onward with my beginner's mind!  Peace of Christ be with you and yours. I'll leave you with a shot of the new hound.

Ryan

Larry Backer gives us a primer - what of expectations and knowledge production?

Larry Backer gives us an intriguing post at his blog on the role of expectation and knowledge production, which has implications and tentacles in every area of thought.  My email to Larry this morning after digesting his post:

Really interesting post.  But my being interested, and consuming, and providing feedback is I suppose in line with one of the points that you made in your article.  The post is much “softer” than some of the much more technical transnational things you usually write about.  And is in many ways intertwined in some issues that I find interesting, and thus, prompting my consumption – and if money were involved, perhaps the direction your future work might take.

The lesson I have always taken from Thoreau, and it may not have been his intent, is echoed by some earlier writers, be in the world, not of it. The most memorable portion of Walden to me is his description of the tool box as a potential home.  That our demands with regard to shelter are completely excessive.  This reality seems to carry on to nearly everything else in our lives though.  Our anemic interest in things which really challenge us (at least for most).  The power of habit and the status quo, even when it is clearly insane.  Especially in the area of sociology, I wonder whether there can really be a betrayal to any “system” that represents stability.  A related issue came up in a discussion I attended yesterday over the Lectionary readings for the week.  It seems all the rage to attack the “individual” religious experience in favor of the power of “community.”  A sort of self deprecating “we are not [individually] worthy.”  My dissenting comments were that the “community” screws things up all the time.  Do we rely on the community for effective environmental practices?  Do we rely on the community for effective social justice (Buck vs. Bell)?  The community, to me, often represents little more than a collection of neuroses that should be viewed skeptically.  Frequently, it seems to me that the herd is rarely little more than reactive and rarely forward thinking.  And to the extent that the herd controls the systems, and is managed by the systems it puts in place itself, is it (the herd or the systems) to be trusted?  Thus, I don’t (and this may be in your eyes a sign of immaturity) place much value in systems and safe power structures.  They exist and are perhaps necessary.  But in most cases I will choose to instinctively reject them, to the extent that I am able to do so – for the precise reason that they exist! 

But I have probably deviated from that which you were writing to.  He was right though, most men lead lives of quiet desperation.  I have certainly been there.  It seems the more I let go of the herd’s rules, the less desperate I feel.  And larger grows the question for me: what is truth?

Monday post in five minutes or less ...

Had a good weekend.  Cut down a tree that was infested with carpenter ants and ran over a snake while I mowing the grass.  Gross.  Only made better by the dog finding it and carrying it around the yard while the kids ran around screaming murder.  Back in the saddle on this Monday.  Three thoughts, as has become customary:

1. Really, really interested in The Power of Habit.  Something as simple as the cue, activity, reward cycle is incredible when you take it apart and examine it against your own behavior.  I am glad the list of things I am trying to take out of my behavior is smaller than it was a few years ago.  But man, those hangers-on are hard to dynamite out.  Aren't they?

2.  Treehouse has come to a screeching halt.  I have got to get cranked up with that again. The Alabama Bar examination preparation is taxing.  Not much writing.  But it has made me appreciate the importance of organizing my time.  I am hoping the time lessons will survive once the exam is over.  Going to have to move Manresa, but that's alright. 

3.  Should native Floridians speak Hebrew?  I heard such a thing recently and I just don't know if it is natural.

Here is to a good week for you and yours.  I'll leave you with the chalkboard.

Ryan

yoga, baseball, and blackboards

It was a great weekend.  Jessica and I enjoyed "hot yoga" on Friday night.  Unbelievable.  I was very humbled by the many people who were by all appearances much more limber and capable of maneuvering than me.  And they turned the heat up to guarantee that you leave soaked.  I am intrigued by the idea that strength training can be accomplished without the artificial use of weights.  We finished the night off with a great dinner, creme brule and coffee.  Bryton and I took in a Wahoos game on Saturday night and he learned a valuable lesson about supporting your team even when the chips are down.  Three thoughts as has become customary, on this Monday afternoon:

1.  I sat through a deposition with a widow today who is fighting an insurance company that will not pay her death benefits.  I am grateful for this job. 

2.  I am reading through The Catcher in the Rye.  I am intrigued by the narrative, it does a remarkably good job of capturing the musings of a tortured soul.  I read that many experts characterize the story as one of adolescence.  I am not sure I agree.  The narrative reminds me (in tone) of Thomas Merton's description of garden variety alcoholic despair, loneliness, and spiritual bankruptcy.  The juxtaposition of these two narratives serves as a great reminder of the universal nature of spiritual failure and the solution. 

3.  I am reading through The Power of Habit, which was generously loaned to me by Dickie Appleyard.  The role of rote repetition and conscious habit in overriding ingrained behaviors isn't exactly a new idea - but seeing it presented with some science helps reinforce and contextualize it.

It is going to be a great week. I'll leave you with the same blackboard which hangs in our kitchen -  changed weekly.  Ciao,



Ryan

Thursday ruminations, mindfulness, and Lectio Divina

It wants to rain outside.  It really does.  The sky is a magnificent deep electric blue.  Full of the potential of going deep purple.  I slept soundly last night, which was welcomed - as I spent from roughly 1AM to 230AM on Tuesday massaging several cases which have me in knots.  Three thoughts on this Thursday.

1.  I have been thinking about how important it is not to treat people as "life" accessories.  I have seen rather gross examples of this, curiously by the very wealthy.  It is not necessarily malevolent.  Rather, it often presents as a view of humans as intriguing, but in a strikingly aloof and detached way.  Those of us who might unwittingly admire a certain detached  aloofness (for reasons which may not even be entirely clear to us, but probably having something to do with malignant ego or better yet - immaturity) can be subtly drawn into this way of looking at those around us.  It is important that we not do this.  We must really see people. 

2.  Jessica and I are looking at a retreat in January.  I am looking forward to it.  There is repair in "non-doing," as Jon Kabat-Zinn might call it. 

Good to be controller of the pictures.

3.  I spoke with my good friend Clifford, who through the marvels of technology - somehow placed a free international call over the internet from China last night.  I miss running with Clifford and Daniel and impromptu Greek lessons!  Amazing what you'll talk about at 5:00 AM while running around Pensacola half dressed.  Our progress through Augustine's Confessions is much slower than we'd intended.  An unintended Lectio Divina.  But there can be no fast spiritual digestion, at least not in my experience.  We'll push each other forward slowly.  Hoping he'll join me at Manresa in July.

I'll leave you with Morrie Schwartz, "[M]ost of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking.  We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do."

Am I awake?

Ciao,

Ryan

ahh ... travel blogs, Boston, and running in the woods with a regal Weimaraner

It has been a good week so far.  Lost a big hearing.  Got fussy with my wife about the upcoming Alabama bar exam (need to be careful here as I got divorced not long after the last bar exam I took and I have grown really, really fond of Jessica).  Had a client drag in a big shot lawyer "friend" into a "friendly meeting" to basically question what I was doing in a case.  I did take a break yesterday to watch Jon Kabat-Zinn's mindfulness talk at Google given several years back.  It is a mindfulness security blanket and always seems to help me come back to reality.  Enough rambling?  Three thoughts, as has become customary on this Tuesday:

1.  Rolled through a great travel blog a few minutes ago which inspired me to write something ... anything, for the first time in weeks.  I miss traveling and seeing new places.  In due time I look forward to some travel adventures. In the meantime, I have offered to carry Daniel Ewert's camera on his next award winning photographic adventure - which I understand may involve a remote waterfall on an Indian reservation somewhere (anywhere).

2.  Have talked with several folks who were at the Boston Marathon (oddly enough the bombs exploded within about a minute of when I finished my last marathon).  Talked to a guy today who still seems shell shocked.  I know that feeling.  I cannot get the picture of Martin Richard out of my head.  He looks an awful lot like Bryton. 

3.  I took the new to us Weimaraner (we settled on the name Duchess, as she does look pretty darn regal) for a run out at UWF on Saturday.  She did great.  Ran past an old rusting washing machine which must have fallen off of a plane, as I cannot imagine how or why someone would have carried it into the woods where we found it.  Thought about how this once very useful piece of machinery had been discarded and beaten up by the elements.  And I thought about how that happens to most of us.  We get beat up in this grind of life and often forget to keep on breathing and living a little.

Time to relieve the kids of their time in front of the TV at papa's office - I am convinced the only reason they like to come here!  But we work with what we have.  Ciao -  Ryan

camping, Merton, and Nouwen

I haven't written much of anything over the past month.  And that is okay.  Have moved through Lent in a rather bizarre manner and I'll spare you the details.  Three thoughts on this Wednesday, which has become customary.

1.  We had a great camping trip this past weekend at Chawacla State Park near Auburn, Alabama.  One of my resolutions for the year was to take the kids camping at least twice this year.  We have made two trips, to Pickens and Alabama.  I may (emphasize) see if Jessica will agree to let me take the two little ones to a Ft. McRae by boat for an overnight before it gets too hot.  It was a lot of fun to watch Gracie show Steve Hogan how to pitch a line after he got stuck in the trees twice.  If only I'd had a video camera. 

2.  I have recently worked through a book titled Beneath the Mask of Holiness.  In looking over the comments of other readers, there is certainly an appreciable attack on the "sensationalist" approach of the author.  What is perhaps most helpful about this book is not any new revelation of Merton's demons, but a clearly and well painted picture of his humanity.  As is the case with most of us, Merton is a remarkably complex individual.  Notwithstanding a gifted mind and a contemplative soul, he faced baffling challenges in the area of love and its ugly and inbred distant thirteenth cousin (lust), alcohol, and  bluntly - narcissism.  There is truth in observing that we are hard pressed to fully understand a solution without a thorough understanding of the problem.  This analysis of the M affair and Merton's troubled past does not detract the least from the powerful affect of his writing, which should never be consumed through rose colored glasses.  In reality, many of the spiritual giants, if known more fully, probably have stories in their closets that would cause some to call the essential validity of their testimonies into question.  Rather than appreciating the frequent placement of institutions and persons upon pedestals from which they can easily be attacked and knocked down (I'd urge, for self expedient reasons), we see here that Merton - in all his humanity - was still able to carry a message of hope and love to those he wrote to.  I also happen to believe he was quite often writing to himself, even outside the context of his private journals. 

I agree the author makes a bit much of the edited nature of SSM, and yet we really cannot be all that surprised by this.  We must also be mindful that there is (shocking, I know) a bit of marketing which goes on in all books such as this.  Don't throw the baby out with the relatively minor soiling of bathwater here. Merton's struggles illuminate the directives of his writing.  This book gives the Merton student a more fully developed lens from which to continue appreciating his many works.

3.  Jessica sent me a great piece from Henri Nouwen that I will leave you with:

We can only be faithful in our affirmation that God has not deserted us but calls us in the midst of all the unexplainable absurdities of life.

I have little doubt that Thomas Merton, with hearty laughter, would firmly agree. 

sand ... at the beach and in the desert

Cooler weather has rolled in.  Which is nice.  I am told the fireplace is in operation at home base and I am looking forward to planting myself in front of it.  Three thoughts, as has become customary:


Kids climbing through tunnels at Ft. Pickens


1.  We spent a wonderful weekend out at Ft. Pickens as a test run for our Auburn trip with the Tuckers and Hogans next month.  Our good friend Ron was generous enough to loan us his 30' camper.  Jessica packed a great stock of provisions and we made our way out on Friday.  I even managed to back up without incident.  No small miracle.  We were joined by the Epstein crew and had a great time.  One of my favorite parts was climbing to the top of Battery Langdon and hanging out with my oldest daughter. As I laid out and looked up at a beautiful sky, my mind drifted back to some of the camping trips that I took as a kid.  I hope I will send mine away with good memories. We celebrated Jessica's birthday on Sunday with a bunch of visitors at the park and a "parade," complete with a sombrero and a banner.  

Me and the birthday girl.

2.  Making my way through Lent.  Have not exactly been on target with the spiritual exercises, but there is progress.  Slow progress.  I feel like I am in the desert for sure.  Not sure why exactly.  But I have come to learn and believe that the desert can bring good things.  

3.  Life is good.  











boxes, tipping, and giving ...

It is a beautiful day outside, and I cannot help but think of how great it would be to be sitting on the deck of a sailboat writing this post.  Perhaps one day.  We are settling into new routines around our house, to include the two youngest playing soccer.  They seemed hungrier at dinner last night.  Gracie gave her first deep southern accented quip (that I've heard) when she rolled off something about "Barney Fiiiiife" of Mayberry last night.  These kids give so many opportunities to smile.  Three thoughts, as has become customary:

1.  I am reading through Breakfast with Bonhoeffer by Jon Walker right now.  He opens with a tale of "Zillow dreams," and his own family's dashed dreams of homeownership.  There is a duality to homeownership for sure.  If I remember little else from Walden, I was completely sold on Thoreau's description of the home as little more than a large box.  Could be nothing more than a box used for the storage of tools, similar to one he observed near a rail line.  In all reality, the home is at its most basic, mere physical protection from the elements.  And yet it is so much more.  There is a quiet confidence and peace that comes with the stable home.  There are memories, smells, and stories that float delicately in the spaces between rooms, floors, and windows.  And yet, Walker and Bonhoeffer remind us that all too often we are perhaps a little too worried about living a life that looks like we think it should.  Walker writes, "Am I willing to serve Jesus, but only as long as my kids [or wife, or husband, or I!] can live a normal life as defined by the American dream."  For many who have suffered in the new economic realities, this has meant grappling with challenges to homeownership.  I spoke with a woman today who was married just shy of (50) years before her husband passed last year.  She and her husband served in missions capacities for close to (40) years in Micronesia and Alaska.  I find myself asking whether I am more worried about my comfort or the mission.  I wonder if in losing things we might find great opportunity to find much.

2.  The Lectionary reading from Luke (9:28-36) this week paints the vivid picture of the Transfiguration.  Why is it that our first instinct, as was Peter's, is to put Christ in a box where we can try to pin Him down, control, and understand Him?

3.  Slate published an interesting story today questioning the percentage rate at which we customarily tip, as compared to the rate at which Christians are "tithing," or perhaps more properly stated, giving.  It is interesting to me that we have become more generous with servers than we have with our houses of faith.  "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Luke 12:34  This is certainly an uncomfortable question that I avoid at all costs.

Have a great week.  The Peace of Christ be with you.

Ryan

Tuesday morning post in five minutes or less ...

It is a cloudy morning here in Pensacola.  Yet, the day feels hopeful and the light could break through at any moment.  Jessica was kind enough to run slowly with me before work.  My IT band is on the mend, and though I have gotten used to sleeping in ... I am grateful to run.  One of my favorite signs on a marathon course said, "There will be a day when you cannot do this.  Today isn't that day."  I think of that often.  We run the race.  Three thoughts, as has become customary:

1.  I've heard several inspiring stories involving children this week.  One involved a car accident where an SUV rolled over on top of a small boy.  This child was pushed into an embrace of wet soggy earth, as if he was being cradled.  He was unscathed.  

2.  After saying prayers and good night to their parents, a young boy and his sister were overheard earnestly praying for children in China.  As if once the fluffy prayers with parents were over, they got down to real business. 

3.  I'll leave you with a great passage and a poke in the eye from CS Lewis.  They have been on my mind for days:

The Lord is the strength of my life.  Psalm 27:1

"For I am not sure, after all, whether one of the causes of our weak faith is not a secret wish that our faith should not be very strong.  Is there some reservation in our minds?  Some fear of what it might be like if our religion became quite real?  I hope not."

Have a great Tuesday.  Ryan

squirrels, feelings, and Frank Laubach

Cold Tuesday morning here in Pensacola.  We are not accustomed to these temperatures!  Our youngest daughter has a birthday today, and despite her request for a pancake breakfast last night - she modified that request with a plea to sleep in when roused by Jessica this morning.  Hard to argue with her.  I am  reminded this morning that we might not have her in our lives had I stuck around to have the snip, instead of taking a peek at the surgical instruments and deciding that procedure could be postponed.  Providence.  Three thoughts on this Tuesday morning, as has become customary:

1.  The kids and I got a few miles in over the weekend.  It was the first relatively pain free running for me in a couple of months.  We hung out at the park for a while after our run on Sunday and when it was time to leave, I sent them to track down their shoes.  My son was quickly sidetracked by a squirrel.  I found myself simultaneously entertained and aggravated for a few moments, covering all the reasons in my mind why he needed to hurry up.  Then I thought of a few things.  The pup in the movie Up, who instantly goes off the rails when he thinks a squirrel is nearby.  I thought of Kahlil Gibran's reminder that we should not seek to make our children like us, but we might strive to be like our children.  Barbara Brown Taylor's lesson that it is alright to get lost and go off schedule.  And most importantly, Christ's own very direct reminder in Matthew 18:1-3 that we should come to Him with the faith of children, squirrel chasing and all.

2.   Finding myself very thankful that I did not fly off to Atlanta on an hour's notice last Friday to buy a car.  I credit this entirely to my wife.  The entire time I was trying to convince her that my irrationality made sense, I kept hearing Dave Ramsey's voice in my head, "If you're wife has one of those feeeeelings, you better listen."  What can I say, I'm slow.  It has taken me many years to learn to listen to two very important voices: 1. the still voice inside, and 2. the remarkable woman I'm married to. 

3.  I'll leave you with a 1931 entry from Frank Laubach's writing, "The best way to act: talk a great deal to the Lord."

Have a wonderful Tuesday.  Look for a miracle.  Ryan